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Funny jokes: 10 jokes

1. Master puzzle master, do you never drink? "sin, sin. ""Don’t you drink before you become a monk? " "sin, sin." "I don’t understand this. How can it be a sin to drink before becoming a monk?" "You pig with no understanding at all, how many times have I said" drunk "!"

2. hilarious joke: eating jiaozi in the dumpling shop, the boss’s soup is delicious, holding a bowl and holding another bowl, stirring it in the soup pot with a spoon, suddenly seeing a turtle inside, smiling at the boss’s wife and saying, "Boss, no wonder your soup is so delicious, it’s enough!" The proprietress came and took a look, and her face changed. She looked up at the upstairs and shouted, "Smelly boy, the bathroom door is not closed again, and your turtle has fallen into the soup pot!" "

3. Husband and wife were shopping when suddenly the wife said, "A beautiful woman just gave you a look." The husband said, "She’s not in love with me, is she?" The wife said, "Love yourself! Probably people think that you are like the worker who cleaned the range hood for her family last time. "

4. I lied to my parents about sleeping at my best friend’s house for one night and secretly climbing the mountain with my boyfriend. My mother, who had just arrived at the top of the mountain in the morning, called. I deliberately said sleepily, "What’s wrong with mom? I haven’t woken up yet!" " Mom roared: "You sleepwalked for more than 20,000 steps, and you dare to tell me that you didn’t wake up?"

On Saturday afternoon, I took my five-year-old daughter Mei Mei for a walk in the park. Not far away, a fashionable and beautiful girl is holding a beautiful pet dog. Mei Mei ran over and danced to tease the puppy, praising the puppy for its beauty! The pretty girl looked at Mei Mei and proudly said to the puppy, "Good baby, did you hear that? Miss Sister praises you for your beauty! " I was very angry when I heard the pretty girl talk like this, so I took Mei Mei and turned to leave. When the pretty girl saw it, she quickly said to the puppy, "Will you be angry if my sister ignores you?" I was about to get angry, but my daughter Meimei asked the pretty girl leisurely, "Sister, you are beautiful, and this puppy is beautiful, too. It must have been born to you, right?"

6. When I was in junior high school, the landlord was very rebellious. Once, because of the teacher’s complaint, I was beaten by my mother when I came home from school. At that time, my brain was caught in the door and I knocked down my mother’s adult. Then she sat on the ground and cried silently, which made my heart cry. The landlord knelt down and apologized. I’m sorry I won’t fight back again! Mom gave me a look and asked, Really? I gave a sincere thank you, and she stood up slowly, walked to the balcony and took out a pole. . .

7. In my sophomore year, I made a female friend and took her home to meet my mother. Since then, my mother has ordered me to change my clothes, shoes, socks and even bags into NIKE. It was not until graduation that I broke up with my girlfriend because of different places that my mother was relieved to allow me to have other choices in brand. I asked my mother why. Mom smiled and said something that I still don’t understand: sons are the pride of mom! Your girlfriend is as beautiful as a star, and I don’t want anything to happen to you …

8. When I was at school, the school suddenly launched an anonymous grading assessment for the class teacher, just to say that I can counterattack. As a result, after class, I was called to lecture and said that I didn’t respect the teacher behind my back. It was all anonymous, so how did I know that I voted for 59 points? With a blink of an eye, I went, and the whole class evaluated 100 points. I was very polite to bring my name, and I was the only one who was anonymous.

9. Women usually call sanitary napkins bread. Once my period came early, I went to borrow them from my female colleagues. I didn’t bring them around, so I had to ask a woman who was not very familiar. I sat next to her and whispered, Do you have any bread? She stood up directly, opened the drawer and replied loudly, I have no bread, but I have cookies. Do you want to eat them? Take them all! I’m messy ~

10. The son said: You haven’t given me lucky money yet! I said ask your mother for it. The economy is in crisis this year. Then show him my wallet. My son looked at me piteously, pulled out a red envelope and stuffed it into me and said, Dad, it doesn’t matter, I’ll give you lucky money this year!

People who swim for a long time will receive these four "surprises". Do you know which one?

The summer solstice has just passed, and many places are "surrounded" by high temperature. How to cool off the heat has become a topic that everyone talks about after dinner.

When it comes to cooling off summer heat, many people will choose swimming besides eating iced watermelons and ice cream and hiding in air-conditioned rooms.

Swimming is not only cool, but also helpful to health, but swimming incorrectly may also cause "trouble".

So, what benefits can swimming bring? What should I pay attention to when I swim?

1. Enhance cardiopulmonary function

The British "International Journal of Water Sports Research and Education" has clearly pointed out that swimming is rightEnhance human heart and lung functionIt has positive significance.

Because when swimming, the friction of water on the human body will strengthen the heart.Blood reflux velocityAt the same time, increase the heart and brainBlood transfusion volumeIt can prevent and even treat cardiovascular and cerebrovascular diseases.

Step 2 lose weight and shape

When swimming, the resistance in water is in the air.12 timesIt takes great physical strength to overcome it.

In this process, the excess in the bodyFat and glycogenWill be consumed and eventually play a rolelose weightThe purpose.

At the same time, swimming asSystemic exerciseLong-term persistence can also achieve the effect of shaping.

Step 3 reduce asthma

Swimming is good for improving the nervous system.Thermoregulation functionEnhance the adaptability of the human body to cold and hot changes, especially children, after swimming often.Physical fitness and disease resistance of organismWill be improved and reduce the onset of asthma.

4. Joint protection and lumbar protection

The weight of people in water is only one-eighth of that on land, so there is basically no load on the joints when swimming, which also helpsEnhance bone mineral densitySo swimming can not only make the body fully active, but alsoWill not hurt the joints..

In addition, the buoyancy generated in the water makes the human spine horizontal, which canReduce the burden on the spine, reduce the pressure on the neck and lumbar spine, there areLumbar protectionThe role of.

Swimming has always been regarded as a sport suitable for all ages, but we should still pay attention to safety during swimming, especially to prevent these three diseases.

First, sudden deathThe swimming intensity is too high, which exceeds the heart load. At this time,Cardiac insufficiencySudden death may occur. The doctor suggested,Overtime, physical exhaustionPeople had better not go swimming.

In addition,Variation of water temperatureExtremely easy to causeSevere contraction of blood vesselsAnd increase the incidence of sudden death, so in addition to fully warming up before swimming, we should also pay attention.After getting used to the water temperature.Swimming again.

Second, vaginitisThe swimming pool is a public place. If women swim in an unclean swimming pool, they may get infected with bacteria.Reduce the mechanism of vaginal anti-bacteriaAnd cause vaginitis problems.

Advise women toRegular swimming poolSwimming, and want toStaggered menstrual periodAt the same time, avoid direct contact with the ground.

Third, molluscum contagiosumThe water monkey is an infectious skin disease. Because of the large number of people in the swimming pool, if disinfection is not thorough, a large number of germs may breed and cross-infect.

Swimming is good, but some people try not to swim.

  • Patients with heart disease, including congenital heart disease, untreated coronary heart disease, viral myocarditis and so on. This kind of patient swims vigorously and may appear.Insufficient oxygen and blood supply to the heartProblem, very easy.arrhythmiaAnd even sudden death.
  • Patients with emphysema (chronic bronchitis). When swimming, the water pressure will increase the pressure on the chest and abdomen, leading to the appearance of patients.Dyspnea, hypoxiaIsopulmonary dysfunction.
  • Ear disease patient. When swimming, water will enter the human ear canal or bring in a lot of bacteria, which will aggravate ear diseases.
  • epileptic. In the process of swimming, it is very dangerous if epilepsy suddenly occurs.

  • Red eye patient. Pink eye disease is caused by bacterial infection and can spread quickly in water.
  • Dermatological patient. Including all kindsTinea, allergic dermatosisAnd so on, may aggravate their own condition at the same time, the disease will be transmitted to others.
  • Menstrual women. During menstruation, bacteria are more likely to enter women’s uterus and cause infection problems, which in turn leads to women.Irregular menstruation, vaginitis and other problems.

Before swimming, you should do it wellAdequate warm-up exercise, helpImprove the excitability of the nervous systemAnd let the organs enter a state of movement to prevent palpitation, dizziness, shortness of breath and other phenomena after entering the water, andIncrease the range of joint motionAvoid cramps or joint injuries during swimming.

Second, rememberDon’t swim on an empty stomach, there may be physical exhaustion, causing accidents.

In addition,Swim immediately after strenuous exercise.It is also taboo, because the swimming heart load will increase infinitely at this time, and the body temperature will plummet, which maycatch coldIn addition, it can also cause severe contraction of blood vessels, leading toSudden death.

It is also very important that we shouldChoose places with more people.Swimming, especiallyOld people, beginners and children., should put an end to swimming alone, it is best to swim together with family and friends.

Swimming can not only cool down and relieve summer heat, but also exercise, which has many benefits. However, before swimming, we must make adequate preparations and exercise, and at the same time pay attention to the swimming time should not be too long.


[1] You don’t know so many benefits of swimming? ".People’s Network-Popular Science China. 2016-10-10

[2] Prevention of Sudden Death in Swimming Season. Health Times.2016-05-05

Reprinting is prohibited without the permission and authorization of the author.

The latest ranking of the Basketball World Cup was released: the French men’s basketball team topped the list, and the China men’s basketball team rose to 16th place.

On August 5th, Beijing time, after each team played in the warm-up match, the strength ranking of the World Cup teams changed. The French men’s basketball team rose to the first place, the American men’s basketball team ranked second, the Australian men’s basketball team ranked third, and the China men’s basketball team rose to the sixteenth place, which was recognized.

As we all know, Li Kaier officially joined the China Men’s Basketball Team and has been training with the team. Although the performance of the China men’s basketball team in the first three warm-up matches was very poor, after the adjustment, the China men’s basketball team won two consecutive victories, beating the Egyptian men’s basketball team and the Cape Verdean men’s basketball team successively, with excellent performance. Although Li Kaier didn’t play, his performance in training was excellent, and he was praised by China men’s basketball coach Jorjevich, which is expected to help China men’s basketball team get Olympic tickets.

In addition, this year’s American men’s basketball team has no big-name stars to join, which also gives other teams a chance to win the championship. At present, the French men’s basketball team, the Australian men’s basketball team, the Spanish men’s basketball team, the Slovenian men’s basketball team, the Canadian men’s basketball team, the German men’s basketball team and the Lithuanian men’s basketball team are all the main players, and they are expected to challenge the American men’s basketball team. In addition, Jokic, the core player of China’s opponent Serbia’s men’s basketball team in the group match, decided not to play in the World Cup, so the strength of Serbia’s men’s basketball team declined obviously and missed the championship.

In addition, from the current situation, the gap between the teams in this World Cup is not big, so the game is bound to be very exciting and worth looking forward to by all fans! ! !

The whole market: Inzaghi will continue to coach Inter Milan and prepare to discuss the transfer strategy with Mallota.

Live on May 20th According to all market reports, Inzaghi will continue to coach Inter Milan and will discuss the transfer strategy with Mallota this summer.

According to the report, although Inzaghi understands that the club has been supporting him, he also understands that the club has been evaluating the situation in real time. From this point of view, it is very important for Inzaghi to win the Milan derby and advance to the Champions League final. Inzaghi is good at controlling the situation and the cup, and he is leading Inter Milan to dream of the Champions League.

Zhang Kangyang, president of Inter Milan, had confirmed the position of Inzaghi Jr. Now, it seems that Inzaghi Jr. will continue to coach Inter Milan next season. Next, Inzaghi will hold a meeting with Mallota and Ausilio to discuss the transfer strategy this summer, so as to know whether Inter Milan will try to buy out Lu Kaku, introduce someone as a substitute for Correa and skrinjar, whether it can resist other teams’ offers to lautaro, what strategy the team will adopt if brozovic leaves the team, the signing strategy of goalkeeper and winger and the renewal of some players.

In short, there are still many uncertain things in the future of Inter Milan, and many positions may go in and out, but Inzaghi will continue to coach Inter Milan and become the nucleus of Inter Milan’s future.